March 28, 2016

Most dates in life are fairly insignificant. However, when a life changing event occurs that date can forever be imprinted on your mind. I have exactly six of these dates in my life so far. Three of them involve the end of a beautiful life. Three of them involve the beginning of a new life. March 28, 2016 is one of those latter dates. This was the day I found out I was pregnant after so many years of trying. It was a Monday. We had just returned home from a trip up to northern California. A trip that had to happen due to one of those three dates that involved the end of a beautiful life. It was a tough weekend for me; I had to say goodbye to my person. That being said, I remember so many details around this date.

Dave and I had been going through fertility treatments for about 3 years and trying for a total of six years. Because of this I was on a schedule and I had to take a pregnancy test if I hadn’t started my period by Monday, March 28. We were driving home on Sunday, March 27 from Sacramento. I had eight hours to let my mind take control and get lost in my feelings, and I had so many feelings to deal with on this drive. Dave was sleeping in the passenger seat. I love to drive. He hates to drive. We are quite literally a perfect pair. I drove in silence. I only had about 18 more hours or so to wait and see if I was going to get to take the test. I didn’t have any expectations for that test other than seeing the word negative as I had seen it so so many times before. I started having cramps on the drive home. My mind definitely spiraled at that moment. The thought of a negative was even stronger in my mind. Thinking about the fact that I won’t get to use yet another pregnancy test. I just continued the drive. Lost in my thoughts. That all to familiar feeling of loss, sadness, disappointment.

The next morning when I woke up I realized that I hadn’t started my period yet. I was still feeling a little crampy, but that was it. So I grabbed the test and thought I’d give it a whirl. I was not feeling positive while counting down to the time to check. Right before I looked I prepared myself for negative.

We could try again. We had two more cycles before the odds would change against us again. It’s not any different than the unknown number of times I had seen negative, if I even made it to test day.

I flipped the test over. Positive. I rubbed my eyes. Positive. I started shaking. I quickly took a picture because I had no idea how long it would read positive and I wanted proof. I put the test away and laid back down in bed. My mind was reeling. I checked the picture on my phone to reassure myself again. Was it really positive? I got up and checked the test again. Positive. I was starting to think it was real. I had to be sure though. I would need to take another test. But I was out. So it would have to wait until later.

I laid back down in bed. I had to tell Dave. Maybe then it would feel real. He was still asleep. So than I thought of all the clever ways I could tell Dave. He would be getting up soon to go to work so I thought I could take all day to come up with a fun idea. I had the week off and we were heading to Santa Barbara on Wednesday. So many ways I could share the news with him.

His alarm went off and he started to wake up.

I tapped him on the shoulder and showed him the picture of the test on my phone. Yep, I waited a whole whopping 20 seconds.

We were excited. We were cautious. We were hopeful.

We still had a while to go before we would hold our babe (babes, as it turned out). We still had confirmation tests to take. We still had hope.

March 28, 2016

 

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Hanging out in Santa Barbara. It was a good trip.

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